Congratulations!

 

This is a month or so of jumbled emotions. Whenever I see little rosbud mouths, tiny fingers curled around a blanket edge, my hear gives a little lurch. I want one. It's not fair!!! - can you feel a tantrum coming on?

But one of the positive things about my whole infertility situation is, that despite my own heart-wrenching, I feel nothing but joy for those who are luckier than I. I wish all the bloggers and fellow crafters who are giving birth round about now the very best of times in the years ahead.

Not like me to be so soppy, is it, but if you don't tell, I won't ;0)

No fuzzy little head to shower with kisses....

 

Having had the lack of success confirmed, this is what is uppermost in my mind at the moment. No little fingers poking out of a blanket, no little eyes trying to focus, no nappies snapping in the breeze....better go before my keyboard is awash. India

Did the good wishes work?

 

Sadly, I think I am going to have to answer in the negative. However, on a positive note I have to say that the good wishes did what I hoped they would - they helped to make a difficult time just a little bit easier.

So, what was it all in aid of? Well, dear reader, I shall finally tell all - in just a moment. Some information is too personal for blogging, and this certainly fell into that category. But now that all is done, I feel that it is ok to tell - in fact it will be a bit of a relief.

I am doubly fortunate in that not only am I a mother, but that I am the mother of a wonderful boy. I wouldn't be without Master India, not for anything. That hasn't stopped us hoping for another child. Sadly, this is not to be. It is more sad for Mr India, because he did not have the joys of bringing up a child from infancy. But my heart is still bruised, even though I am aware of all my good fortune.

One of the most difficult things has been that there is no reason that can be found. I endured numerous unpleasant and often very painful procedures, Mr I had his own 'contribution' (!)to make, to no avail.

What I can say to anyone else experiencing infertility is don't leave it too late - the mills of the NHS grind exceedlingly slow. It is 3 1/2 years since we set out to find out if there was a problem. If the clock is ticking, this matters a lot.

Our final option was IUI. THis is just like having IVF, except that the ovarian stimulation doesn't end with egg harvesting, but with insemination - lovely, eh? What it does mean is that I have had an induced menopause for the last four months, and that wasn't funny. My whole life has been ruled by a rigid timetable of injecting, snorting and....well, I think I'll leave that bit out. Suffice to say, life here has not been so good. Mr India has been a star - although I am surprised I din't murder him on one occasion. I had missed a dose of one of the medications, and his response was that he '...wished I would take it all more seriously!'.......... I'm sure I shall forgive him for that comment. In time.....

The last treatment (you get 3 cycles on the NHS) was last week. I am not due to take a test until a week today, but I don't feel pregnant, there are none of the symptoms that I had with my first pregnancy.

At the moment I am ok. Please don't tell me to count my blessings - I am doing that every day. Doesn't stop the heartache, though.