Friday, December 08, 2006

Did the good wishes work?

Sadly, I think I am going to have to answer in the negative. However, on a positive note I have to say that the good wishes did what I hoped they would - they helped to make a difficult time just a little bit easier.

So, what was it all in aid of? Well, dear reader, I shall finally tell all - in just a moment. Some information is too personal for blogging, and this certainly fell into that category. But now that all is done, I feel that it is ok to tell - in fact it will be a bit of a relief.

I am doubly fortunate in that not only am I a mother, but that I am the mother of a wonderful boy. I wouldn't be without Master India, not for anything. That hasn't stopped us hoping for another child. Sadly, this is not to be. It is more sad for Mr India, because he did not have the joys of bringing up a child from infancy. But my heart is still bruised, even though I am aware of all my good fortune.

One of the most difficult things has been that there is no reason that can be found. I endured numerous unpleasant and often very painful procedures, Mr I had his own 'contribution' (!)to make, to no avail.

What I can say to anyone else experiencing infertility is don't leave it too late - the mills of the NHS grind exceedlingly slow. It is 3 1/2 years since we set out to find out if there was a problem. If the clock is ticking, this matters a lot.

Our final option was IUI. THis is just like having IVF, except that the ovarian stimulation doesn't end with egg harvesting, but with insemination - lovely, eh? What it does mean is that I have had an induced menopause for the last four months, and that wasn't funny. My whole life has been ruled by a rigid timetable of injecting, snorting and....well, I think I'll leave that bit out. Suffice to say, life here has not been so good. Mr India has been a star - although I am surprised I din't murder him on one occasion. I had missed a dose of one of the medications, and his response was that he '...wished I would take it all more seriously!'.......... I'm sure I shall forgive him for that comment. In time.....

The last treatment (you get 3 cycles on the NHS) was last week. I am not due to take a test until a week today, but I don't feel pregnant, there are none of the symptoms that I had with my first pregnancy.

At the moment I am ok. Please don't tell me to count my blessings - I am doing that every day. Doesn't stop the heartache, though.



Blogger Tracy said...

Oh poppet, I wish I had a magic wand as there are no prizes for guessing what I'd grant you. If it's any comfort, I never "felt" pregnant either. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hoping Santa has a little extra something for you this Christmas.....

11:38 pm  
Anonymous carol said...

Oh India I am so sorry to read your news. What a rollercoaster of hope and heartache these past few years must have been for you. Good thoughts and positive wishes are coming your way.

2:08 pm  
Blogger Faerynuff said...

I've never been to your blog before, I will return.

I'm sending you all my wishes and love. I've been watching 'a child against all odds' with tears on my eyes. Painful times.

With love
Ali xx

3:36 pm  
Blogger tigerlilith said...

i'm deliberately "child-free" so can't really imagine what this must feel like for you. hang in there sweetie... remember you have lots of friends sending you good thoughts & virtual hugs. xoxo

4:08 pm  
Blogger Midsummer night's knitter said...

Thanks for all the kind thoughts, it's ggod to know that there are kind folk sending good feelings this way.

4:28 pm  
Anonymous heather said...

I sincerely hope you find out you're wrong next week. I'll be thinking of you both.

Heather x

7:02 pm  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

Thank you so much for your comments India. My heart now comes to you sincerely. As one who has experienced loss and longing I would never say count your blessings - I would only offer the cliche that life does go on - because it has no other choice - and in going on goodness and even joy emerges - somedays.
As for the nursery - I will go on insisting on best practice until I crumble.

9:28 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have only just caught up with you but wanted to say how sorry I am. I'll continue to cross fingers for you until next week. Thinking of you both.

10:26 pm  
Anonymous victoria said...

Oh, thinking of you!!!

7:29 pm  

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