Dying with embarrassment, all over again....
Once upon a time, a violin tutor paid fortnightly visits Chez India. She was a nice tutor. She was co-habiting. She had a little bit of a 'tummy'....
Now, India wasn't completely stupid. She had an amusing conversation with Mr India about the pitfalls of congratulating women on their 'pregnancy'. She wasn't going to go within 5 miles of 'there'.
India had also spent some time pondering over the way a woman's body becomes public property when she is pregnant, remembering with particular wrath the way complete strangers and sundry others would come up and pat her tummy (.... bet you can see where this is headed)
So, what India would like to know is - 'WTF made her reach out, spontaneously, and pat the nice violin lady's tummy?'
As I live and breathe, I don't know who was more shocked. I am a cringing, crimson heap as I relive this. And what about the poor tutor? Look at it from her point of view. In a (very!!!) strange woman's house. Being touched - what the hell was going on? Was I coming out? Was I inviting her to a 3-in-a ....no, not going there.
No, I had simply acted on an uncontrolled impulse to 'congratulate' her on her pregnancy.
But it gets worse, just when you think it probably couldn't. Being aware of how inappropriate it was to have touched her, 'pregnant' or not, and not wanting to add further insult to sheer terror, I got the JCB out and really started digging. Instead of 'fessing up to the real reason, I started gabbling on about me being on a diet, and.. and..and...well, you get the picture.
We both endured a very uncomfortable 30 min lesson before she scuttled off. Man, I was in a cold sweat by this time. My son and his friend were in the house - they really did roll about the floor when I told them.
In the end, I decided that even though it risked more offence, I was better off telling the truth. My tutor, thankfully, didn't bat an eye and she taught me for a few months until I could no longer
face the embarrassment afford the lessons.
Which just makes me wonder - given that she was so unfazed, what the hell else had happened to her when she tutored at other folks' houses????
And me - whenever I see a 'pregnant' woman, I sit on my hands!
Labels: moments to make your hair curl